Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
