you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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