So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
