I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
