When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
