my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
