Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
