I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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