Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
