Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
