I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
