She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
