happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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