Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
