Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Someone shattered a urinal.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
my poor anus
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
