Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Small penises have feelings too.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
