Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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