tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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