if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
