It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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