Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
