I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
