I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's never too late to be topless.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The air was thick with penises
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
