i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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