They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
