i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
