she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
