what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
