A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
