? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
