somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Alive.
So much puke
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
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