I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
