So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
