As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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