She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
