I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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