my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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