There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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