I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
