I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
