were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
The power of my boobs compel you
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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