Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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