Have you finally orgasmed yet?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
