"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
