Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
