Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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