he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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