Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
