Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
