I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
