it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
