wake up i wanna do it froggy style
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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