I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
