There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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